Every person’s life contains change and transition. From our earliest months we experience (whether we are conscious of it or not) massive changes - physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes there is resistance to change and it is often expressed through crying. Any who have witnessed a small child being put to bed against their will understands this very well!
As we grow older we often feel the same emotions when faced with changes and transitions, but we have learned what is ‘appropriate’ or ‘inappropriate’ behaviour in our society at such times. However, we do still respond, despite what our public face shows.
Very often we don’t recognise the changes as being a cause of grief in our lives. We perhaps, although incorrectly, think that humans only grieve when a death occurs. Of course it is true that we do grieve when bereaved. However, there are many other changes and transitions that can arouse similar emotional and other responses.
Some common changes and transitions are:
One of the realities of life is that we are all individuals with our own unique way of feeling and expressing ourselves. While responding to change and transition is a universal experience the way in which we respond is almost inevitably different to anyone else. Even when a similar change is experienced the responses may differ enormously.
It is helpful to recognise the impact on our lives in all aspects of our experience, ie in the physical, emotional, sexual, economic, social, psychological and spiritual spheres. And so we may respond with tears, or we may not. We may experience physical aches and pains, headaches, digestive problems. We may withdraw socially or become hyperactive in our activities. We may feel abandoned by God, or may seek out spiritual support. We may seek casual and anonymous sexual encounters or we may long for a committed relationship. We may experience poverty for the first time and be ashamed or embarrassed to admit our needs.
Some strategies for coping with change and transition:
When we are experiencing change and transition that brings with it loss and grief, then it is sometimes easy to forget that those who know us can also be feeling the impact of the changes we are experiencing. None of us lives without others in our lives. We may (or may not) have families; many have neighbours, friends, social groups, colleagues at work (ie in paid or voluntary work places), professionals who offer support and care. Any person with whom we share some sort of relationship will affect us by their attitudes and feelings just as we affect them with ours.
Experiencing grief can create feelings of isolation because we look around and see others who are behaving, acting, speaking differently to us even if they share a similar situation. But no two people are the same, and no two people’s circumstances are exactly the same.
It can be tempting to judge ourselves against others and think that we are not coping if, for instance, we shed tears and others do not. ‘Coping’ can mean that we feel angry, or cry, or feel sad, or happy. Coping is acting on our feelings. We are not coping when we hide our feelings – especially when we try to hide them from ourselves!
If you feel that you would like to access support as you work with the feelings arising from any changes and transitions in your life then contact a Social Worker/Counselor at your local HIV/AIDS service, your General Practitioner or a grief counselor.
Accredited grief counselors can be contacted through the National Association for Loss & Grief (Vic.) www.nalagvic.org.au on (03) 9650 3000 or Country Vic. Freecall 1800 100 023.